Liberate yourself from old goals

Everything I write on this blog is unfiltered and a first draft so if you're reading this, thank you for keeping up with my sad wording and poor structure.

A lot of us roam the world searching for purpose in our lives, meaning in our jobs, trying to find inspiration wherever we go. Some of us recognize its significance early on, others can pass an entire lifetime without thinking too much about it. But those of us that like to find meaning in everything tend to set goals at an early age. But not all goals make sense to stick to.

10 years ago, I had set a goal for myself. I wanted to empower women in third world countries. A noble but vague statement. Something a teenager could really get behind. I saw what it was like for my mom after my parents' divorce and I kept wondering how much worse it is for women in third world countries. Women who live in societies where their worth is determined by their wifely duties and if their husbands leave them, society is quick to shun them out. Women who lived in poverty or on the cusp. Single mothers. Women who chose never to be mothers. Women who want to be mothers but can't. Underprivileged women from every walk of life. How do they earn a living for themselves when they were taken out of school and married off early on? When they never received a proper education? What kind of jobs do we get then? I knew I wanted to do something so I set a 10 year goal.

But something changed in those 10 years. While at my core, I am somewhat impulsive - this bias for action had not translated into my drive for women empowerment. I thought to myself baby steps - this coming from the girl who launches into every aspect of her life with unruly, bursting energy. Maybe this is where being strategic and planning will help. I picked up small projects and applied to be the ambassador of a national gender equity program. Maybe once I learned the way of non profits here, I could take my learnings beyond the US. And that's the plan I set out with. But along the way, I felt myself lose momentum every time I ran into an obstacle. I would host full rooms with city leaders but fail to keep up post-meeting engagement. I would raise attendance and then get fewer than 5 email sign ups. I felt so defeated. What was I doing wrong?

I eventually left the program when I moved across the country, but I was still searching for a link to my purpose. My day job was interesting but it did not give me meaning. I needed more. I joined a different non profit despite knowing it was not related to women empowerment. I worked on emergency humanitarian relief, WASH projects, providing medical aid. All of a sudden, I found meaning and that's what has energized to keep going with this team. Even when my team received news of funding becoming limited, it no longer deterred me. I knew I found a purpose, but it wasn't exactly women empowerment.

A year passed.

I held myself accountable to my teenage ambitions and looked for ways to empower women full-time. I considered getting a Masters, changing the course of my career, joining the medical field and talked to many, many people. No one could tell me what my next step needed to be in order to help empower women. I met a wonderful human along the way, and we shared similar aspirations, except she was executing on everything I kept fussing over. She started hosting financial literacy workshops for female led businesses the same time I was leaving the space, I was in awe. I called her one day and asked her "Why can't I seem to just take the first step?" 30 mins of laughter, serious "hmm"s and "what about"s later, we hung up. I felt better but I still didn't have a plan.

Another month passed.

I was sitting in my friend's bed one night, on the 33rd floor of an apartment overlooking New York city, and said "Maybe I'm just not the person I was 10 years ago *raises eyebrows*. Maybe I just don't feel as passionately about empowering women as I did when my parents' divorce was still fresh in my memory. I think I am just afraid to detach myself from the idea because it's all I ever knew. It's what I thought the purpose of my life was. Also, why wouldn't that be something a 23 year old girl is passionate about? Especially watching the atrocities against women unfold themselves over the years. I knew in my heart I wanted to help these women, because one day - that could be me." I stopped for a second. "But no. I don't have to hold myself accountable to some noble goal because 10 years ago, teenage Aaisha thought this was right for me. It may still be a noble cause I care about but it doesn't have to be my goal."

I truly feel the last few weeks were revolutionary. Ever since I liberated myself from my 10 year old goal, all of a sudden - I felt free. Like I can focus my energy on anything else. I could get distracted by the next shiny thing and not feel guilty for not working towards empowering almost half the population on the planet. I felt happy?! I recognized that just because it was no longer a strict goal for me, didn't mean I no longer cared for it. I still would like to someday work on empowering women economically but it no longer ate away at me every day I didn't. It truly felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders- it's funny because it was a weight I placed on myself, no one was holding me accountable. But no longer was this a burden on me. Since I liberated myself from this noble goal, I focused my energy on the immediate needs of those around me. How can I add value to my world? launched a project to help small businesses struggling during the pandemic. What's funny is my first client is a female business owner.